Values Based Spending in Friendships

Finally, it’s Friday, friends! 

Have you ever had a moment where you close your eyes, and the world stops moving?

Wherein you’re so happy and you can’t imagine being anywhere but here? 🤔

Maybe it was your graduation day, a well-celebrated birthday, or even a night on the town, but chances are, there’s a common thread: you were with your friends or chosen family.

I (Kim) remember a night like that perfectly.

I was with my friends at the Papa Roach/Shinedown concert and we were screaming the lyrics to my favorite song at the top of our lungs. It was an amazing concert with pyrotechnics and throwback songs.

Hours later, we fell asleep on our hotel floor waiting for dinner to arrive. 

✨ Shoutout to the delivery driver who stayed waaaay past his shift to deliver our pizza at 5 O’clock in the morning. ✨

Times like these remind us what we value when it comes to quality time with the people we care about.

But how do we relate that back to our finances? How do we decide what’s important to us, and what’s okay to spend money on? Read on to find out! 

🙌 Finances & Friendships 🙌

Our finances & our friendships are complicated, but there are a few key concepts to keep in mind to help separate what we value, how much we spend, and when to say no.

Confidence is Key

Our own financial wellness within our friendships has a lot to do with our levels of confidence in what we bring to the table. This is helpful, especially when our spending is unnecessarily tied to fitting in or gaining approval.

We’re talking about the feelings that lead you to treat someone to lunch, to show up with a gift to every get together, or the money you spend keeping up with what others have.

It’s time to separate your true generous nature from narratives that you aren’t enough or won’t be loved if you don’t buy all these things.

You are valuable apart from your spending on others.

Define Your Values

Have you ever sat down and really thought about what’s most important to you in your friendships? Is it the activities you do - going out to eat, shopping, or traveling? OR do you simply prefer that person’s company? The uninterrupted time with someone you care about? 

I evaluated this recently as I chose between 2 good opportunities, to find the best, most values-aligned opportunity. Here’s how it went:

I love October, and every year, a friend and I go to haunted houses across the midwest. And it can be pricey. This year, I have the option of going to see one of my favorite bands around the same time of year with the same friend.

I could do both things - and consequently spend too much.

However, after some thought, decided to put my funds toward the road trip because I value the time spent catching up in the car with her & the thrill we get vs. seeing a show where I can’t actually hear my friend.

Set Expectations

This can be the hardest of these three to do.

There are so many opportunities for us to spend in a given year: a night out after work, a bridal shower, gifts for family over one of the dozens of holidays every year. The list goes on!

But if you contribute to everything, you’ll spread yourself too thin.

Remember, the best gift you can give your family and friends is showing up as the best version of you and to do that you need to take care of yourself. 

Remember these three principles when putting expectations into practice: 

1. Be honest. Start the conversation before $$$ is spent. Chances are, your loved ones will want you to take care of yourself rather than spend on something that might be detrimental to your finances. 

2. Remain firm. Once you’ve set a boundary, follow through. And remember there’s many ways to show you care. A phone call, a handwritten letter, even just a few hours of your time can make all the difference. 

3. Remember it isn’t just you. All of us have dreams & goals for our lives, and if you are the one to open the conversation about placing a limit on a gift or party, chances are someone else will benefit too!

Coming forward about your own situation opens the floor up for others to take charge of their financial future, and reminds us that we aren’t alone in this.

Until next time,
Kim

⭐️⭐️ P.S. Want to share all this goodness with your friends AND earn cool Frugal Friends merch?

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