​​How to have more freedom and less shame in your spending

Happy Friday Friend!

Ever felt stuck between two extremes when it comes to money?

On one side, there’s the ultra-frugal, no-fun approach where every dollar must be justified.

On the other, there’s the “you only live once” mindset that can leave you with more regret than freedom. Man do we feel you.

We believe the sweet spot is somewhere in the radical middle, where you make intentional financial decisions that align with your values while still allowing yourself to enjoy life. 

A helpful way to think about this? The Japanese martial arts concept of Shuhari that describes the stages of learning to mastery.

🎐 Shuhari roughly translates to “follow the rules, break the rules, transcend the rules.” 

Shu: Follow the rules. When you’re a total beginner with personal finance, following one teacher or philosophy makes sense. This phase builds a strong foundation, but you shouldn’t spend too much time here. 

Ha: Break the rules. Once you understand the basic principles, this is where you can start to experiment. Maybe you realize that while meal-prepping saves money, it also drains your energy, so you budget for occasional takeout. Or maybe you take on less side work for a few weeks to catch your breath. This phase is about making adjustments that fit your lifestyle—not someone else’s. 

Ri: Transcend the rules. Is this a stage or is this your confident money era? You know what works for you, when to save, when to spend, and how to balance both. It’s not about perfection—it’s about freedom from shame and making money decisions from a place of empowerment rather than guilt. But don’t rush this stage. Pretend you’re there too soon, and you could be laying a path of destruction to your and your friends’ finances. 

Ask yourself reflection questions to apply this to your spending today: 

• Am I following rules that no longer serve me?

• Am I experimenting to see what works best for me?

• Am I confident in my money choices, or am I still seeking external validation?

If you’re looking for more guidance to help align your finances with your values and finally find your radical middle, don’t miss the chance to pre-order our course by 3/21! 👩🏻‍🏫

We’re designing a comprehensive personal finance guide to help you spend smarter, save more, and feel confident about your money—without shame or extremes! Through visuals, templates, and real-life examples, we’ll walk you through what values-based spending and intentional money management can look like for YOU. 📑

This isn’t just another personal finance course—it’s a whole-person approach that helps you craft a financial strategy that actually fits your life. 

See ya,
Misti

⭐️⭐️ P.S. Want to share all this goodness with your friends AND earn cool Frugal Friends merch?

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